Overthinking (pt. 2)
Ok I sat with it. I ignored it too. I went out and did stuff, came back and thought some more. And after asking “what do I really want to do in London” and “how do I stop overthinking this”, I realized there’s no quick, one-two punch answer. But thinking about it and honestly answering made things calmer. The waters feel less rocky. So, let’s get into it. What do I REALLY want to do while I’m in London? How do I make it happen?
111 pubs is a goal I set for myself a year before I came to London. It's one I thought I was going to hold myself to when I wrote it down on this blog on day one in London. 111 pubs in six months is all well and nice, perhaps even a desirable résumé builder for an aspiring college frat bro. But is it what I want?
Not really. The truth is that when I decided to come to London I also told myself I wanted to be immersed in its culture. I then, with very little knowledge of said culture, picked one thing about London that I thought I knew and said, “Ah, yes! Pubs! Now that’s immersion!”. But if I’m being honest, the thought of being in a new country and hiding away in said country in the dimly lit corners of pubs just isn’t that exciting. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good pint as much as anyone. And I can’t wait for the pubs that show up as a place of refuge during a random, exciting, afternoon storm. But something tells me that 111 pubs will not be visited in the next six months by this American. And I’m ok with that. So I’ll keep the pubs in mind, put them on my Google Maps, and see if any are in the area when I’m out. But I won’t be centering a day around them.
Ok, so what about the other resounding goal I set in this blog on day one (I’m sensing a theme)? 50 museums in six months - now that seems genuinely doable. I mean there’s a museum mile in the heart of London alone, so quantity isn’t an issue. And I kind of want to go ahead and count The British Museum as five on its own. But what’s more important to me isn’t the number of museums I hit, but what I find inside. I want kooky museums I can genuinely extract a memory from in ten years time. Large and in charge is fine (Natural History Museum, I’m looking at you), but I’d much prefer museums that inspire me. I guess, I won’t know until I’m at the museums whether or not they’ll hit the mark. But I’m starting to think, let’s not plan to hit 3 museums a week, just hit the ones that look cool. Transport museum? Ehhhhhhhhhhhh…Sherlock Holmes museum? I’m friggin there. 50 museums? We’ll see. I just take comfort in knowing I no longer feel the pressure to hit a number.
I want to apply for jobs here. But, more than anything, I really want to dig my heels in and give my freelance career the time and effort it deserves. It feels like an odd goal, one I could reserve for when I’m back in the US and not in a brand new country. But where I am may be exactly why I need to focus on freelance. I’m in a beautiful place with already numerous points of inspiration. I can feel ideas flowing, just in the last two weeks alone. I want to dedicate a portion of every day to my art. I want to show myself what I’m capable of. I want to be sure and steadfast and quick to drop everything and try whatever pops in my head. Even if that means I miss a day or two of being outside in London. I think being out in the city every day is just unrealistic, expensive and not always what I’ll need. So yes, apply for the dream job. But also yes, spend the time indoors or in cafes to just work on art. The career will come. And London isn’t going anywhere.
I want to travel. Sounds like a “duh,” I know. But I haven’t really given the other parts of Europe a good amount of thought. With London as my hub, where else do I want to go? What’s a must-see now vs a must-see later? Maybe don’t spend a week planning each travel getaway, but day dream about travel, listen to where other Europeans tell you to go, and then make those dreams happen. Because I’m in the very unique position to do that, now more than ever.
I want to learn to “wing it”. Planning is amazing and sometimes very cathartic. But worrying about planning “correctly”, now that just sounds…consuming and boring and avoidable. I still have no clue what to do tomorrow, but maybe that’s ok? Winging it isn’t the hard part, deciding to wing it is. Trusting winging it, even harder.
I know this won’t be the last time I feel overwhelmed by the big picture. But I’m in London, baby. And for right now, that feels great. I’ll get to the why and the how as I go along. And I’ll be sure to write an “Overthinking (part III)” when I feel overwhelmed again.
Until then, cheers.
e