The Hardest Part…
My first week in London is officially over - a few days past in fact. The one thing that I’ve found the hardest to get used to - more than navigating buses and tubes, more than missing my loved ones or learning how to fill my time - is eating out alone. Doing anything out alone really.
I’ve made it out to The British Museum, a few pubs, a tonkotsu and pizza place, an outdoor market, a D&D session and a boxing class. The worst part in all of that is not sharing, in the moment, what I’m experiencing.
And also sitting at a table, eating and looking at my phone. It just feels rude and antisocial. All this being said, I think I’ve been pretty proactive at trying to meet people.
I’ve had an online meetup with my London D&D peeps, and plan to meet everyone at a pub tomorrow night for another session. I got to go to a great brunch place with a few people after boxing. I’ve even gotten to chat virtually with some folks who are as new to town as I am. I’m not fully alone, and for a week of living abroad, I’m really not doing terribly. But I don’t think I would be saying all of this with so much hope in my tone had I not already been prepared for how I would feel moving to a new place.
I was born and raised outside of Dallas, Texas and made a move like this once before, though admittedly much closer to home. I moved to Boulder, Colorado when I was 19 for University, knowing absolutely no one in the state. The only thing I really remember from my first two weeks there is a lot of crying. I missed knowing the people around me and not feeling alone in a crowded room. I missed not having dull, one-track, surface-level, small-talky conversations with people. I missed a real human connection. But the connections I built in Colorado did eventually happen, like so many told me they would. The big difference between now and then is that I had years to help these connections form.
I am older, a little more confident, and fully aware that I did not want my first two weeks of London to be a blur of tears. So when I got here, within a matter of days, I set out to find friends and meeting places. It sounds almost pathetic to say, “I set out in search of friends” but dammit if we don’t all have to admit that at some point in our lives.
So, I’m now a week into my London journey and I find myself looking forward to a fully booked week two of social outings. Looking at this I decided I want to share how I got here. From a week of lone exploration to a week of potential connection. And, to be fair, I have no clue if any of these will pan out for me. But I’ll list my methods thus far and hopefully keep you apprised of how it goes in the future. We’ll call this my working theory phase.
How I’m Meeting People in a New City:
Fitness - I’m not an exceptionally fit person, but I knew I needed to find a way to stay in shape in London and feel safer about living in a new place. So I started looking for self-defense courses almost as soon as I landed in London. Early on in the search, I narrowed down what I wanted by looking for specifically LGBTQ+ friendly programs. I knew, from experience, this is where I tend to feel the safest in community settings. I chose boxing because one course was particularly open and friendly to beginners. I knew a place that felt more welcoming and less competitive would help me build enough confidence to put myself out there, emotionally and physically. None of this is to convince you to join the same boxing program I’m in. What I would suggest is defining what you want out of your community and what you need to feel comfortable meeting people. Because I took time to narrow down what I specifically wanted in a fitness setting, it was really easy to find a program for me. Trust that what you want is sometimes what you need. Narrow down your expectations to widen the possibility of a good experience.
Hobbies & Clubs - For me, it’s Dungeons & Dragons. I’m a nerd who loves nerds and, trust me, nothing helps me come out of my shell faster than a bunch of people playing a fantasy game and drinking beer who are unafraid to goof off. Character voices, surprisingly, help! Whether you have a go-to hobby or not, look for clubs and groups on Facebook, Google, Hangout, whatever. Doing something new, fun, or a tried and true hobby with other like-minded people is a step in the right direction to making lasting connections.
Hangout - They have this in London, but I never checked it out in the states. It’s like a search-engine for public events. Sign-up for others’ events or host your own. They range from financial seminars to brunch crawls to star trek hangouts (they just discuss everything star trek...it sounds dope). Most of what I’ve found seems to cater to older audiences (mid thirties and up) or locals, so I haven’t found a meet-up to join yet. But who knows? I may sign-up in the future or someone else may read this and find it helpful. Not everything works for everyone.
Bumble BFF - So Bumble has a dating app…and a young professionals networking app…and a best friends app. I’m on the latter. It feels weird; you’re still swiping on people and someone has to initiate the convo. Plus, the conversations, at first, can’t help but feel pretty surface level. However, I’ve met quite a few other people who are traveling like me, brand new to town and just want someone to go to pubs with. Thank God! Or locals who want to broaden their friend base and are cool with chilling and going to brunch. I’ll give you my honest opinion on the app once I’ve used it more. For now all I can say is it seems promising but awkward as f***.
Go Places Alone - Not my favorite and not for everyone, but not necessarily a bad idea. Going to museums can introduce you to like-minded people. Going on guided tours helps you identify other lone travelers and strike-up a conversation a little easier. Just be careful and know that it could take some time to meet people this way.
I’m not a social butterfly, but I’m not introverted either. I crave human interaction, and, unfortunately, that’s not a luxury that was built into my arriving in London. I hope I can make meaningful connections while I’m here, but to be honest, that’s not necessarily why I’m here. So I’ll keep my chin up, keep my heart open and keep a book with me wherever I go so I don’t just have to look at my phone when I’m out eating dinner alone.
Talk soon.
e